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Thursday, February 14, 2019


February 14, 2019


February 14, 2019

For those who are spending this joyous holiday with that special someone, I wish you all a slow and painful death a very happy Valentine’s Day. However, in the spirit of Single Awareness Day, I’m avoiding all radio stations, television and social media like the plague. To be honest, all this fuss about L.O.V.E has got me feeling some type of way, but not for the reason you might think. It could have something to do with my name. Let me explain.

One of the many, many reasons I hated working in retail was because I had to wear a stupid name tag and without fail, someone would look at the spelling of my name and say:

1) Do you have Mexican in your family? (Someone actually told me that.)

2) You know, your name means I love you in French.

Um, no to both comments. Je t'aime means “I love you” (romantically) in French. J’aime means “I love” (enjoyment) in French. Like when people say “I love to surf,” or “I love pizza,” or “I love this song!” It’s more than just “like”, yet you know by the context that they don’t mean they’re going to run off and elope and have kids with a damn surfboard! (Hey, if that’s your thing—cool. I’m not here to judge you publicly.) 

As diverse as the English language is, it’s extremely limited in the areas of love. According to some ancient Greek guy, (I don’t feel like looking him up) there are 8 different types of love.

Agape: Unconditional Love selfless, unconditional love. This is supposed to be the purest form of love and reserved for God, but it’s often taken in vain. (Pun intended.)

Eros: Sensual love/ lust. This is fleeting and self-serving solely based on how you feel and not the other person. (See Tinder App for details.)

Philia: Affectionate Love or “Brotherly love”. If your crush tells you this, congratulations! You’ve just entered the Friend Zone.

Storge: Familiar Love or parent-child love. When you get that weekly lecture about settling down because your parents are getting old and they want grandkids before they die, that’s not a guilt-trip at all! No sir! They just want to share the Storge!

Pragma: Enduring Love aka “ride or die” love. Unlike agape, this love is put through fire and tested repeatedly. Think of that old married couple who will stab each other over a card game, but never divorce. In other words “struggle love”. 

Ludus: Playful Love or the super giddy, butterflies-in-the-stomach, starry-eyed, honeymoon phase of a relationship. If you and the bae are wearing matching outfits and talking with baby voices, rest assured that everyone within 100 yards of your PDA is plotting your murder. The first suspects the cops will interrogate will be the friends who you’ve flaked on for the past six months and everyone you sent this Christmas card to.  You’ve been warned.

Mania: Obsessive Love. This doesn’t need an explanation. Just name a fandom and that pretty much sums it up.

Philautia: Self-love. Not that ego-driven, Instagram filter version of self-love. A better description is self-care, like when you treat yourself to a spa day, or take time to meditate. Or when you finally cut all ties with your ex because you can do better and they’re an EX for a reason and answering those late night texts will lead to a bad movie remake that nobody asked for, and Dua Lipa’s “New Rules” is not only a bop, but an instruction manual!  

But enough about my weekend…

I ran through all that to say that there’s more than one way to love somebody, so today everyday let’s spread the warm and fuzzies with everyone, not just those you’re boo’d up with. That’s what I plan to do with my free time, because Jaime doesn’t need no stinking holiday to express her love. It’s all in the name, fool!!


For those who are spending this joyous holiday with that special someone, I wish you all a slow and painful death a very happy Vale...

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